1) Birthdate:
1966
2) Birthplace:
Seneca, South Carolina
3) City/state where you live currently:
Chicago, Illinois
4) Education:
Clemson University (South Carolina)
5) Career:
Convention and event management
6) Did you serve in the U.S. military?
No
7) How do you describe your sexuality and your gender?
Gay male
8) Do you have children and/or grandchildren?
No
9) If you are GLBT, please describe when you first “knew”:
There seem to be two phases to when I first “knew.” I grew up in rural South Carolina and I was a senior in high school before I ever met anyone that was an out gay man. I knew what “gay” was from Three’s Company, movies, and the bad jokes high school kids tell. I knew I was “different” and that I didn’t have the same intense attraction for girls that my male friends had. I went through the motions to ask girls out, but not as often.
I had sex for the first time at a young age (with a girl) but it was more in the moment, she wanted it, and it was what I thought I needed to do. I enjoyed it as being fun, but I knew I didn’t enjoy it for the same reasons my friends did. I just thought something was wrong with me or it is something I’d grow into.
The end of my dating women came actually in a jewelry store when I was shopping for an engagement ring. I was THAT close! But as I was shopping for the ring I wanted to get her, I kept thinking to myself “I don’t love her the way I should. I care deeply for her, but this isn’t the soul connection it should be.” After that we eventually broke up amicably, but she never knew why. (She also didn’t know I’d been ring shopping so it wasn’t a big crushing surprise to her.)
The second phase of the “know” came when I was in college and finally met other gay people. At first I didn’t think it was really what I was, but as we all know, that’s mostly society’s standard asserting itself against the truth. I can remember the first time I was about to have a sexual encounter with a man and the thought went through my head “If I do this, I’m actually gay.” I did it, I enjoyed it and yes, I’m actually gay.
At first I had a type of “buyer’s remorse” as I dealt with this epiphany. Unfortunately the guy I was with at this time and I parted friends as I was too uncomfortable. I have always regretted our parting as he was one of the nicest guys and would have made a great boyfriend.
I still didn’t fully come out until I moved away from South Carolina in 1999.
10) Who did you first “come out” to and when?
I used to call my sexual orientation as the “Mason Dixon” secret. Everyone above it knew, no one below it knew. At first I lived two completely different lives as I lived in Ann Arbor, Michigan and then Chicago.
I never really used pseudonyms or switched pronouns as I couldn’t keep up, but I may have said, “I’ve been on a few dates with someone; we’ll see how it goes.”
My first true coming out was to a good friend who had made a very gay-supportive comment at a wedding rehearsal that we were both at. We happened to be in the car alone together going to the rehearsal dinner and I asked how her husband (who was a roommate of mine in college) thought about the “gay thing” or if he knew anyone who was gay. She said she didn’t think he did, and without thinking, I corrected her letting her know that in fact, they did know someone and it was me. As wives often do, she went right to her husband and told him. I didn’t realize this until he took me aside later that night to tell me that he didn’t care as long as I was happy.
If I had experienced a negative reaction to coming out the first time, I’m not sure how or if I would have continued. I was fine keeping it a secret. I am very happy to say that since then I’ve had positive and supportive experiences in coming out to those closest to me. A few people from my past have not shunned me, but I can tell a difference. If I still lived in South Carolina I think it would be different, but I’m at a distance now and they’re not forced to put on a nice face that often.
11) What troubles did you face as a GLBT person?
I am always tentative about my sexuality when starting a new job or working with clients who may not know already. I have always been a private person keeping my private and professional life separated where appropriate. Who I’m with is not anyone’s business. I always promised myself I wouldn’t lie if asked directly, though.
12) Did you have mentors in the Chicago GLBT community?
There are so many people who have been a positive influence on me for various reasons. From someone being truly inspirational by their hard work, or even by folks who inspire me by being in a same-sex relationship for years and years. They may lead “normal unexciting” lives as they put it, but living true to themselves is an inspiration to me.
One person who has inspired me is Tracy Baim. Often times when I’m worn out, can’t imagine why I would be volunteering for yet ANOTHER gay event or organization because I have no more energy, I think of Tracy and her dedication. I would like to think that “If Tracy can do it, I can too” but I’m not sure that would be the case. In my entire time working with the Gay Games, Tracy was always there. While the efforts of hundreds of people drove the core of the Gay Games, in my mind, Tracy WAS the Gay Games. I’ve never seen her without a smile in the worst of situations and she has, without knowing it, continually inspired me to be a better and more active citizen in our community.
13) Involvement in organizations (GLBT and/or mainstream):
Human Rights Campaign (HRC) – I’ve been the event producer for the past seven HRC gala dinners. I co-chaired the dinner with Catharine Smith in 2006.
Test Positive Aware Network (TPAN) – Wherever they need me, there I am, mostly assisting with event production.
2006 Gay Games – I negotiated and contracted the city-wide hotel room block for the Games, and helped create the idea for Gay Games Color Guard, which turned into the first color guard entry and expo Gay Games has had. The folks who ultimately planned the Games Guard pulled together participants from around the world and added a new level of fun and visual entertainment to the games.
Windy City Rainbow Alliance of the Deaf (WCRAD – the Chicago chapter of the national Rainbow Alliance of the Deaf/the GLBT Deaf organization) – I produced a comedy fundraiser event with WCRAD as the beneficiary; I’ll be the conference manager for the national RAD conference when Chicago hosts it in 2009.
Meeting Professionals International (MPI) – I helped create the Diversity Committee for the Chicago chapter of MPI (the largest chapter with over 1,000 members) to include GLBT member outreach and educational content for and about the GLBT members of our profession.
ROTC Chicago – I’ve been a performing member since 2003 and on the board of directors for two of those years.
Season of Concern (past board member) – SOC is the Chicagoland Theater Community's fundraising effort, assisting individuals faced with catastrophic illnesses and accidents, and supporting local care organizations.
I’ve never been in the situation where I could give enough money to be considered a “donor.” That’s why I’ve always given my professional skills to making events that can raise money. I feel that, in a way, this is my way of being a “donor.”
Living to Laugh Productions – I am a stand-up comic by hobby, and seeing the success of Dance for Life, which was started by professional dancers, I am in the process of creating an event production company that will create and produce comedy events to raise money for various GLBT groups or causes and, hopefully, infuse some humor into lives that need it. I have had a couple of productions as of summer 2008.
14) When you were coming out, what were your favorite GLBT bars in Chicago?
Sidetrack, since the year 2000. I’ve always liked that it had a good cross section of the entire community.
15) What were the key issues faced in the GLBT community when you first came out?
Having grown up in the South and then moved around the country a bit, I’ve seen such disparity in the thinking of regions. States are starting to enact legislation in favor of the GLBT community, but for each one step ahead, some states (like my beloved South Carolina) seem to enact two against us. It’s going to be a long uphill battle to get the entire country on the same page.
16) What issues do you see as key in the GLBT community today?
We face so many, but one that I see that IS a key issue, but not being seen as key is HIV/AIDS. ITS STILL HERE!! The rates in the gay community are rising in our younger members because they don’t see it as a problem since meds have made it seem more a condition than the disease it is.
17) How have AIDS and/or other health issues impacted your life personally?
Before I changed careers to become a convention and event planner, I was in emergency nursing and healthcare for around 12 years. My life in healthcare started around the same time that HIV/AIDS was getting a firm foothold in South Carolina, so it's always been around me. Oddly enough, AIDS was a part of my life before being gay (or my knowledge of being gay) was a part of my life.
I had cared for many HIV/AIDS patients in various stages of their life. The first time I can remember getting an idea of how people with HIV/AIDS were treated was when I was in nursing school and working as a phlebotomist. I was drawing blood from this man who was handsome, had a muscular body, and was just happy as he could be. He was chatty while we completed his paperwork, but seemed to become quiet when it came time to draw his blood. I thought to myself how funny it is that big strapping men get so needle shy!
At this point in the story I have to apologize to the healthcare professionals who will no doubt cringe when they read this, and ask them to remember that it was very early 1990s. I had learned to draw blood without rubber gloves on. Having to wear gloves made it hard for me to feel the veins I was going to stick. So, sometimes, if a patient like the man in my story, had great veins I could hit blindfolded, I would draw the blood without gloves.
This man had great veins, so I didn't wear gloves and drew his blood with no problems. As I finished and turned to look at him to tell him to hold the cotton ball for me, he had tears running down his face. When I asked what was wrong he relayed a story to me that still gives me goosebumps to this day. His wife had contracted HIV from a blood transfusion and it was passed on to him through intercourse. He said he always dreaded having blood drawn, not for the needles, but because once people found he was HIV+, they suited up and double-gloved like he was a leper when all they were doing was drawing his blood. The fact that I did the same blood drawing procedures and actually touched him without missing a beat made him feel human.
From that point on I was always an advocate for healthcare safety and universal precautions, but also for not treating the HIV+ patient any differently than any other patient, because the patient sees how they're being treated and that feeling stays with them. That patient and his wife always scheduled their blood draws at a time when I would be at work, though I did start wearing one pair of gloves when they insisted that I do.
Even with that instance, I never really knew anyone who was HIV+. Not long after I moved to Chicago in 2000 someone very close to me became HIV+ through a needle stick accident. Hearing all the fears he had of medications, "what comes next?" and social acceptance or rejection just fueled the fire of wanting folks with HIV to be treated as people.
I worked with AIDS Foundation of Chicago for a short while and during my time there I found a button that I really liked and I still have it and wear it on my ROTC uniform. Simple words, but it seems to not be a simple action for people to follow. "Fight AIDS, Not People With AIDS."
18) How would you describe the “diversity” within Chicago GLBT community?
I see that our community has great diversity. I’m certain that many folks feel that their particular section of our community could benefit from better exposure and/or acceptance, but I feel like, on the whole, we’re a cohesive group – at least when we’re all facing the same adversity.
19) If you consider yourself a “political” activist, how do you define this?
The closest I come to being a political activist is planning events for HRC and being a member of Equality Illinois. I send letters and email to politicians when prompted by these groups, but I feel much of the face-to-face action is better left to those folks like Rick Garcia (Equality Illinois) or Jim Pickett and John Peller (AIDS Foundation Chicago). They’re the strong political influence of our community and put a far stronger political voice to our struggles than I could.
20) Describe what you feel your personal legacy is to the Chicago GLBT community.
I feel that my legacy would be activism through entertainment. I devote much of my volunteer time to producing special events that both educate and entertain the audience. The mission statement of ROTC Chicago relates to entertaining while positively representing the GLBT community.
It was this love for entertaining and helping various worthwhile causes that led me to create Living to Laugh Productions. I LOVE to make people laugh. I love for them to feel comfortable at an event that I’ve produced. The laughter I get when I’m onstage, seeing the smiles during any program I’ve managed or hearing the deafening roar as ROTC marches down Halsted is the best reward I could get as all of this means someone was open to the entertainment of the moment. And if they’re open to the entertainment of the moment, they’re open to the message being presented. I compare it to the line from the song by En Vogue “Free your mind and the rest will follow.”
21) This project is also about “defining moments.” Please discuss some of those in your life.
For me, defining moments have come as affirmation that I am okay the way I am. Along those lines I have two moments that impacted me to the point that they often replay through my mind and I still get goose pimples and may even tear up when I think of them.
I was at the Gay Games closing ceremonies and had just watched ROTC perform from the stands (I did not perform with them for the closing ceremonies). I was on an emotional high as they were, of course, fabulous, and I was swelled up with a parental-type pride in how well they had done. My fellow ROTC member Rhett Lindsay was next to me as Cyndi Lauper came out. From the rush of ROTC’s performance, the roar of the crowd for Cyndi, and the impact of the meaning of the song “True Colors,” I was becoming moved to tears. Rhett, being from rural West Virginia and also having grown up much like myself in the rural south, was also being moved in the same manner. All it took was a look at one another and here came all the emotions! I didn’t feel too bad since when I looked around, we were not the only ones feeling the joy of being out and proud.
When I first started coming out in 2000 it was about the same time that my mother started her long, drawn out fight with cancer. I had always feared telling my mom the most because of all the people in my life, she was the one I was afraid of losing most. Once she started her battle with cancer, I didn’t feel I needed to add more to the family pressure by telling her I was gay. If she was upset or concerned about it, it would only serve to stress her further and hinder her ability to get better. Plus, I’d never been the kind that HAD to tell everyone I was gay. Long painful story short, my mom never recovered from her battle and in October of 2005 we found that there was to be no winning this battle. Mom was listed as terminal and was going to pass.
I was at work when we found out on a Monday that my mom had been listed as terminal and I set about making plans to fly home thinking that she would go into hospice and live out her remaining months with family around her. Before I had a chance to leave work my cell phone rang and it was one of my neighbors who was staying with mom in the hospital. My mom had woken up and asked her to call me. She asked how I was and if I was able to get a flight home. I had a feeling she was saying goodbye in case I didn’t make it home in time. I felt she was worried too much as she still had time. I knew she was letting herself go when she said, “Chris, I know about you and what you are. I’ve always loved you and always will. I want you to be happy and not worry about other people. Find someone you care about and make sure he treats you right.”
As it turns out, this would be the last thing my mom ever said to me. She was in and out of consciousness by the time I arrived in South Carolina and she passed away the next day.
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Christopher Grace 
